Every funeral I've ever been to where the person had a viewing with an open casket just made the situation worse in my opinion. If you don't want it you don't have to go the whole open casket, a formal mass, or traditional funeral home route. It's important to remember that you made the choice not to attend for a reason and that reason is valid. … Feb 10, 2025 · Whether you choose to, or are able to, attend a funeral is completely up to you. If you’re on the fence about attending a funeral, it’s important to make a decision and then stick with it. If you don't feel comfortable doing this then you are not obliged to attend a funeral. The guilt may come from familial pressure, societal and/or religious pressure, and the cultural expectation of attending. That's on them, not you. Sitting with a decision Now during a pandemic I don't blame ANYONE for not wanting to attend a large gathering. Mar 1, 2025 · A woman said in a post on Reddit's 'Am I the A------' forum that her family gave her a 'hard time' for missing her grandfather's funeral — despite the fact that it would have cost her about half Jan 28, 2014 · If you are dreading the whole concept of a funeral, keep in mind that a funeral will be whatever you make it. But you’re kind of in asshole territory for not going to support your husband. People deal with it differently on a person by person basis. When attending a funeral, is it okay to not go to the interment? In funerals I'd usually attend the service portion to pay my respects, but not go to the interment (family is exempt of course) afterward. She died of cancer about a year ago, and due to the height of covid, they said that she couldn’t attend. Giving someone else crap for grieving differently is just stupid. If you're unable to go to the funeral of someone who has died, this page has some suggestions for connecting and remembering from home. Takedown request | View complete answer on joincake. SeriousConversation) submitted 10 months ago * by IAmNotPaulWaitzkin No. Sep 6, 2022 · Would you regret not attending? While you shouldn’t feel guilty if you don’t attend, you should still offer your support to the family in another way like the methods below. It seems rude and unkind to not go to someone’s funeral. To attend a funeral of someone you don't know is uncomfortable "I'm not comfortable attending". It’s important to acknowledge that your decision, or circumstance, that keeps you away isn’t a reflection of your love for the departed. How do you apologize for not attending a funeral? Please accept my sincerest apologies for not being able to attend the funeral. Would it be awful to not go to her funeral? I'm in bits, I don't know what to do. I hadn't seen him much in the last few years and the news of his death didn't hurt me as I expected, but at the funeral it turns out there was a lot more there than I thought. Guilt over not attending a funeral I moved from the USA to Russia about a year ago and my grandpa died very unexpectedly recently. Is that bad? I mean, the person is already dead. Reply reply pendalmight • No one has any obligation to attend any funeral and your family shouldn’t guilt trip you into feeling like you have to be there. I can kind of see where you're mom is coming from, but she's not looking at the big picture and she's obviously more focused on appearance than the death in the family. Apr 13, 2013 · Someone I know told me they didn't attend their mother's funeral. Nov 22, 2022 · A service is planned for later this week but I can’t attend the funeral because I have an important presentation at work. Jul 20, 2023 · There's also a celebration of life service that I could attend where I live a few days later. The important thing is to help your people in times of grief. How to Offer Support If You Can’t Make the Funeral Though I've never skipped a funeral, I don't blame you for not wanting to go, and I don't think that you should be pressured by guilt. I don’t believe that it’s inherently selfish not to attend a funeral, but not attending can damage some relationships. No offense to your mom. It’s natural to feel guilty, but try to focus on helping the family in other ways and saying goodbye on your own. Should you feel bad for not attending a funeral? The purpose of a funeral is to mourn the deceased and show support for their family. After sending messages to say you will not be attending a funeral, the next ideal thing is to think of how to help a grieving family. Let people think you're cold-hearted or whatever. Oct 26, 2025 · After missing her great-grandmother's funeral, one woman received an unexpected sign - relieving her of years of guilt. Stay updated with the latest news and stories from around the world on Google News. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. If it was not going to be an event that brought you any measure of peace and instead would have caused you more pain, you should try not to feel any guilt for choosing not to attend. Some individuals may not attend a funeral for various relational, financial, or personal reasons. The closer the relationship the greater the pressure. It does not need to look like a traditional funeral. Here are some of the more common issues that cause people to skip the funeral, even that of a family member or good friend: They aren’t prepared emotionally to say goodbye to the person who’s passed I agree. I honestly don't know the answers for you, but I did just attend my Poppy's funeral today. You have religious or cultural beliefs that go against funeral practices. Had to move it outdoors to be extra safe. Sitting with a decision Dec 25, 2022 · Would it be okay to zip in and out for the funeral and attend shiva virtually? I don’t think you must go to the funeral, but you can’t pretend it’s not happening. It’s also a great excuse if you feel you MUST have one (but I think not going to the funeral of an abusive person is clear enough Used to feel guilty about it but no longer. You may not even know what to say to the grieving family when you can’t attend a funeral to the grieving family. In any case, in your culture, the expectation is that you, as a son, have to attend your mother's funeral, but you didn't do that, so to your relatives, you neglected your duty. You’re not the asshole for not wanting to go to a funeral of someone you don’t know. The decision to not attend a funeral is not one to be made lightly. There is not one thing keeping them from setting up an iPad and streaming the funeral service for people who can't attend physically. Oct 19, 2023 · But others countered that argument by pointing out that forcing someone to attend — especially because of a phobia — means that they likely wouldn't provide very good support to the family anyway. Failing to attend the funeral or memorial service of someone close to you does not mean you have failed the person who died. The important thing was that you loved her and took care of her while she was here. I regret missing my brothers and my friends funeral, but grateful I did attend for other loved ones that have passed on. One has some staying power, one generally does not. Sep 21, 2023 · If someone you know has passed away and you’re on the fence about whether or not to attend, you’re not alone. Archived post. Nov 10, 2023 · If you’ve been invited to a funeral but are unable to attend you may be feeling bad. We are having my mom's funeral today, 6 months after she died. They loved their mom, they just saw no need to go. Jul 13, 2023 · You find funerals emotionally overwhelming or traumatic. com The reason I'm asking if it's ok not to go, is due to the fact I always get chewed out for not going to these things and not being there for said co-worker, when in reality I'm there if they need me, just not at the funeral home. Someone told me once you go to a funeral to support the friends and family left behind, not for the dead body. Attendance at a funeral is not the only way to honor or grieve or say farewell. However, the family that is going is absolutely livid that some of us aren't. All the embalming, makeup, etc. Skipping the funeral can delay the grieving process, making it take longer to heal from your loss. I think you did protect your mental health. . There is nothing wrong with not attending a persons funeral and it should not be viewed as disrespectful to the deceased. But, out of respect, you may want to let the bereaved family know you won't be attending. Also setting up a livestream for those unable to attend for whatever reason (out of town or COVID cautious). It is difficult because funerals can provide closure and/or a settled feeling in the grief process, but I felt no need to risk my health for that. Funerals are one of the most emotionally chargedevents we have to deal with in our lives. There’s no perfect or right thing to say when someone is grieving, but there are wrong things. If you want to attend the funeral or memorial service and the event is open to guests then you should go. Title pretty much sums it up. Family and friends of the deceased need to connect with each other, and if you do not attend the service, you will likely run into many people who want to express their condolences and talk about the loss. Life gets in the way. Although it is not compulsory, you can follow the text, call, or condolence card with an action that shows you are really thinking of the bereaved. When people die there is often pressure put on people to attend the funeral. Oct 9, 2024 · You reach a new level of guilt when you have to let a grieving loved one know that you can't attend a funeral. Go or not, but remember, funerals are for the living, and a way to connect one last time. You have mourned the loss of your mother already, you don’t need a funeral to do that. The location or timing makes attending logistically challenging. My heart aches knowing that I can't be there to support you all during this difficult time. That's what adults do. Sitting with a decision We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. NTA- your not the asshole for not wanting to attend a funeral however, funerals are not for the person who passed away but for the people who are in morning. Dec 25, 2022 · Would it be okay to zip in and out for the funeral and attend shiva virtually? I don’t think you must go to the funeral, but you can’t pretend it’s not happening. Say that you feel bad that you haven't had a funeral yet, but that you really wanted them to be able to attend. Some funeral homes have been having services on Zoom or a similar service. If going to the funeral will not help your grief (and it sounds like it definitely would not help you) then you should not feel any obligation to go, or any guilt at all. They are having both a viewing and a funeral. From travel restrictions to important appointments, there are many valid reasons you may not be able to make it. Oct 20, 2023 · Naturally, you’ll start to feel guilty when you can’t attend a funeral. And stop going to funerals. *What* it says, exactly, is a different question. You have physical health limitations that make attending difficult. Takedown request | View complete answer on You absolutely do not have to attend anyone's funeral unless you feel the need to say goodbye. I'm not sure what to do. Among them is that a person's children would normally attend her funeral, and if they're not there it says something about the family. I don’t have any guilt. in the world will never ever make that person look alive and full of life again. Not my own parents funeral, but my nans funeral that took a massive toll on my mum. Be it illness, a family problem, work related or something else unexpected. Not just because of CoVid, there may be other out-of-state people who want to attend, there may be people who can't due to illness (very common with the elderly). Is it OK not to go to a funeral? Do not feel guilty about your I did not attend the funeral of my aunt who I loved, as well as a cousin and two close friends. Sitting with a decision Guilt is often an emotion attached to doing something wrong, but it’s actually a self-conscious emotion that we can feel about any situation or event. If you were close enough with the person to be informed of their funeral arrangements, this typically means that you should attend. I am not the only family member considering not going, he wasn't the best guy and a lot of us weren't particularly close to him. Not being able to go doesn’t make you less of a grown up. Show your bereaved loved ones that you care with these supportive sorry messages for not attending a funeral. If I was in your shoes I would not attend. Serious Discussion Are funeral services supposed to be optional? Is it offensive to not attend the funeral of a person? (self. You might feel guilt, sorrow, or regret, especially if the deceased was someone close to you. It's not like you get a chance to interact with them one last time, unless you pose for a picture with their body (is that a Jul 23, 2023 · Not attending a funeral can stir a wide range of emotions, not just from the family and friends of the deceased, but also within yourself. But even if you desperately want to go, sometimes it just isn’t possible. Sep 21, 2023 · How can I cope? It's not uncommon for people to feel guilty after not attending a family member's funeral, especially if that person was close to them or if they had a strained or difficult relationship. Nov 10, 2023 · One teen is being pressured to attend his father's funeral, so he's asking for advice on Reddit's 'AITA' forum. Here are some of the more common issues that cause people to skip the funeral, even that of a family member or good friend: They aren’t prepared emotionally to say goodbye to the person who’s passed Sep 21, 2023 · How can I cope? It's not uncommon for people to feel guilty after not attending a family member's funeral, especially if that person was close to them or if they had a strained or difficult relationship. That way at least they know you haven't abandoned the idea of having a funeral, and perhaps they will give you their blessing to have it anyway. If the funeral isn't going to do that for you, don't go. Life is just too damned short to waste time on nonsense like guilt over not attending a funeral - or anything else. I don't blame anyone for not coming When is it OK to skip a close family member's funeral? Would you skip out on a sibling's final services? How about a parent? Nov 18, 2024 · Wondering if not attending a funeral is disrespectful? Learn about funeral etiquette, alternative ways to show respect, and how to handle unavoidable absences. Reply reply GodsQCNeedsWrk • Is it okay to not attend the funeral? My great aunt passed away. While you shouldn't feel guilty if you can't attend, you should take action to honor the deceased and their family. If you feel that by not going to the funeral it will mean low or no contact with your siblings then you need to consider if that is right for you, and only you can answer that question. Your grandma would understand. You have severe allergies to flowers, incense or embalming chemicals used. But there are certain situations when you might think twice. Because of that, and since you describe your realtionship with your mother as basically toxic/non-existent, and no one felt the need to include you in, well, anything, I see no real reason why you should feel pressure to attend his funeral, or feel any guilt for not going. It doesn't matter if you attend a funeral or not, you can remember her in your own way. This is grief we’re talking about here. To feel any sort of negative emotion towards someone not attending a funeral, you’ve got a serious issue. You may not feel it is necessary to explain why you aren't at the funeral. Your dad has already requested that you don’t attend, I would respect that. Should you feel bad about not going to a funeral? It's considered proper etiquette to pay your respects in another way if you're unable to attend the funeral. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. Basically, the word on everybody's mouth was "What kind of son doesn't attend his own father's funeral?" It's worth noting that I'm Brazilian and family ties are stronger and far more complicated. I’m planning on going to the viewing but don’t feel as if I should attend the funeral due to not being close with her. Don’t post fun ski trip pictures to the family group chat, you know? Ask your dad what he thinks is the right thing to do. My parents have said it’s okay, but I feel disappointed and guilty for not going. If you aren't needing to support fan and friends because they are just no or it isn't good for your mental health don't go. Mar 25, 2025 · Understanding the Impact of Absence Not attending a funeral in person can evoke a range of emotions from guilt and sorrow to confusion and relief. It's the only one you got. … That's what adults do. I want to stress that some people deal with the passing of loved ones better than others, and there is no rig Feb 10, 2025 · If you have chosen not to attend a funeral, you may experience some guilt, even if you feel totally confident in your decision. While you shouldn’t feel guilty if you can’t attend, you should take action to honor the deceased and their family. There are many reasons why you may not be able to go to a funeral, but there are also many ways to participate even if you cannot attend a funeral service in person. This is what happens here in N Ireland - went to the funeral of a work colleague’s mother, as an English woman I was surprised at just how many people were there. We tried to get a private ceremony but they didn’t let in. Funerals are to help those left behind deal with the loss. She told you it's not something that's important to her. Many people struggle with the idea of attending a funeral, and, if they decide not to attend, aren’t sure how to make amends for missing the funeral. Sep 7, 2020 · Reasons Not to Attend the Funeral Let’s first take a look at the reason (or reasons) why you’re inclined to avoid going to the funeral. How to Offer Support If You Can’t Make the Funeral Feeling guilt for not attending a funeral? No matter whose funeral it is and what connection they had to you, it should always be your choice whether or not you attend a funeral. She shared the experience on Reddit. I just read a whole bunch of good reasons why attending may not have been a good idea for you. You shouldn't be expected to attend a funeral of you don't feel up to it. We aren't very close with that side of the family (my dad's) anymore, but he is my first grandparent to die and we used to be close when I was younger. Aug 25, 2022 · Should I feel guilty for not attending a funeral? It’s considered proper etiquette to pay your respects in another way if you’re unable to attend the funeral. Enjoy your life, OP.

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